Housebroken
by utsubame
Summary: [ONE SHOT] Sequel to Of Cost Savings... 1x2. Duo has to deal with Heero after letting him loose in a neighbourhood full of unwary suburbanites.


**Disclaimers:** Gundam Wing doesn't belong to me, nor will it ever.

**Warnings:** Not really anything that graphic… I think. Just plain old 'Tsu-ism' /coughSAPsough/

**Notes:**This is a sequel to Of Cost Savings bla bla bla… Enjoy

**Housebroken**

Heero Yuy was famed for his quick understanding and his speed of learning. After all, he mastered deadly hand-to-hand combat and three different martial arts within two weeks, he conquered defusing the most complicated bomb known to men in under one, he perfected the art of piloting a huge mechanical robot that looked more at home as a miniature in a toy shop, but his greatest achieve was making one Duo Maxwell undeniably, irrevocably, unmistakably, his boyfriend, lover, partner, whatever. Though Duo always hated the term partner when it came to their relationship. Heero just didn't understand why. It was a mistake, pure and simple. No need to hate a particular term. They were former Gundam pilots, and now top Preventor agents. They didn't do labels, just each other.

So he had proven to himself he was an almost genius. But so what? If he was all that smart, why did Duo baffle him that much? The American was a mass of contradictions. First, he professed he enjoyed Heero's brash attitude, the next he was berating him about trying to put surveillance anklets on their neighbour's for stealing their newspapers. What did he do wrong? He was only trying to protect their assets. And besides, theft was a crime but it also meant they were trespassing into private property, even it was a 'welcome' mat. There just weren't any limitations on the term 'private property' in his case, so why did Duo tackle him to the ground, and apologised profusely to their terrified neighbours? What was wrong with those bracelets? They didn't hurt anyone, all the did was release a really _small_ electrical charge coupled with a 90 decibel warning alarm if the got too close to their apartment. It was prevention _and_ cure all in one.

Despite Duo's fervent protests and at this point, somewhat incoherent explanations, Heero had managed to cuff the two now squealing couple. He had said in a gruff one that crime didn't pay.

A frantic Duo had called for reinforcements, much to Heero's approval, though he had stressed that the two of them combined would be able to take on a couple over overweight, over ambitious, stupid, noisy civilians. But Preventor's protocol had insisted on calling for back up in the event of an arrest.

It took moments but soon Trowa Barton, Chang Wu Fei and Quatre Winner had burst into the scene to subdue Heero, albeit a little hesitantly. Heero didn't understand why he was being held while the neighbours were getting away scot-free. It was rather clear that they still remembered their little misdeed a few months back. One that involved two large ostentatious pots, the most expensive restaurant in all of Sanq, two red roses, a restaurant full of applauding guests and three friends slinking away. They were still waiting for payback that was promised so long ago.

Heero had bugged Duo initially about revenge. Of course, he had been thinking along the very satisfying lines of tying them up and hanging them on a branch somewhere public and completely naked. Duo had smiled softly and told him to be patient. The smile that his boyfriend had sent a chill down his spine. It was probably the most evil thing he had seen ever.

"Revenge is a dish best served cold, lover," Duo had repeated, his eyes narrowing to slits. It was a calculative look, and one that spelled nothing but misfortune for his enemies.

Heero, tired of waiting had dared to question him. "Why don't you just put it in a freezer and be done with it? I think it would be cold enough then?"

Duo had stared at him for a long while, his jaw unhinged. "That… that was a joke!" He had thrilled, pouncing on his boyfriend and proceeded to kiss the logic, mind, brain, or whatever centre his thought processes came from, out of him.

It was for 'rewards' like that Heero was willing to endure conflicting signals of inter-human relationships. He soon learned that the human emotions were far more complex than his Gundam, which had been one of the most intricate high tech equipment known to man.

Then, the axe fell.

XXxxXX

"This is your fault!" Duo ranted, waving the piece of paper in front of his lover's face.

Heero tried to read what was written on it that could cause such a huge reaction in Duo but speed reading didn't mean the paper moving at high speed. "What is my fault?"

"This," Duo waved the paper around. "You had to go and do this. How you managed to live without just things over the past two years I have no idea but you had to go and pull this now when I can't, will never ever find another apartment in Sanq and we are going to be pushed out into street, cold and freezing without any food or any shelter. I don't want to move back with Quatre, sure he would welcome us but that's beside the point. How are we going to find a way to pay him back when we are right under his nose and… mrrrrf."

Heero was tired of a ranting Duo and took steps to silence his sometimes running off at the mouth lover. He used the most affective method and the most tried and tested one. He hooked his arm around Duo's waist, pulling the long haired boy close and his lips swooped down over Duo's in one smooth motion. Not only did it stop Duo from talking, he found that his boyfriend never complained about being cut off as well. It was efficient, time saving, motion effective and pleasant as hell.

He snagged the paper from Duo's limp fingers, one hand gently but firmly supporting his neck, which ensured that his lips were mashed against Heero's. Never one to waste time, Heero lifted the paper behind Duo's back, tilted his boyfriend's head slightly and started reading. It was this kind of multitasking that made everything worthwhile.

Heero's dark blue eyes widened in shock and he opened his mouth to protest what he knew now was a letter. Unfortunately, Duo, his arms pulling Heero tighter against him, used this opportunity to slip his tongue into the warm crevasses of his boyfriend's mouth.

"Hmm mppfh hmmmh," Heero mumbled into Duo's open mouth, flailing his hands about. He made a note to himself that while effective, this was not the best way to silence Duo. Another method should be found. He had forgotten how… enthusiastic his lover could be.

Two… twelve… erm, twenty minutes later, clothes dishevelled and bed clothes that had seen better days, Heero picked up the letter and glared at it. If looks could set things on fire, Duo could be the next Stephen King.

"It's not going to retaliated, Heero," Duo explained, sighing a little forlornly.

"Why is the building owner trying to evict us?" Heero asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

Duo gaped at him, his expression bordering on incredulous. Hell, from what Heero saw, it went past incredulous into 'are you freaking serious you loony bin escapee?' territory. "You don't realise what you did?" He was standing nose to nose with Heero, yelling in his face.

Heero shook his head mechanically. He wracked his brain, trying to figure out what he had done that would warrant his landlord to be this… inconsiderate. He decided that he would write a long precise email detailing his activities in the apartment as evidence that nothing illegal has been going on. It must be some misunderstanding on the landlord's part. After all, why would two upstanding Preventor agents thought to have committed some sort of crime?

He thought it was then Duo started something called 'Housebreaking Heero'.

XXxxXX

Duo thought they would never find a house. They had searched almost everything the real estate people had but Heero always had something to say. And usually it was about security.

This house's windows were too narrow, they wouldn't be able to bust out of there in the event of a raid.

That's house's frames were too flimsy. It wouldn't survive a fire fight.

The other house didn't have a fireplace. At this, Duo thought Heero was about to show his hidden romantic side about not being able to snuggle when the idiot opened his freaking mouth and mentioned that they might need to burn something in the event some bad guys decided to kidnap them in hopes of blackmailing them for the evidence they had secured for their arrest.

This house's chimneys were too small, how were the flames to escape when they decided to burn 30 tonnes of flammable material?

At this point, Duo sat down on the sidewalk, with his head in his hands and waited while Heero scared the living daylights out of the property agent. The American knew it was time to give up when Heero asked the agent if the walls of one of the million houses they visited would be able to with stand a bomb explosion. The poor lady had stuttered and stammered while Heero, looking at little regretful, nodded and muttered, "I didn't think so."

He sat there, realising that he needed to find a way to housebreak Heero before the got a real house. While the rental agreement of the apartment didn't allow Heero to fiddle around with the interior too much, the Japanese wasn't constantly there in the earlier days, therefore he didn't worry too much about the security at his apartment though anyone caught breaking an entry would have been crispy fried cat burger… uh, burglar at the touch of the doorknob. Oh, the wonders of high voltage electricity wired through the door.

But now that they were actually going to purchase a house, Heero's 'Let's keep Duo safe and preferably wrapped up in wool for as long as we both shall live' instincts suddenly kicked into overdrive. Now Duo had realised his biggest mistake, he was bringing Heero into a neighbourhood of unwary surburbanites.

"Duo, what are you doing sitting here?" Heero said, hunkering down next to his boyfriend.

Duo's head jerked up in shock. "You're done?" He asked warily, almost afraid to find out the answer.

Heero nodded, his mission face firmly in place. "The walls are sturdy, the area is easily defendable, the neighbourhood is easily educated on the intricacies of defending their home ground and the fireplace is large enough if we need to burn some control substances."

"That means…" A slow smile of utter wonder blossomed on Duo's face. "Are you saying what I think you are saying?"

Heero frowned. "I can't be certain what you think, since I am unable to read minds. I, however, am able to read forty different body signals at once and make a calculated assumption as to what you might possible be thinking…"

Duo covered Heero's mouth with his hand. It just wasn't possible to use Heero's tried and true method in public. "Shush. I meant, does that mean we found a house that you approve of?"

Heero nodded. "Yes, that is what I mean. You should have said that earlier on to minimise the possibility of misunderstanding. From the books I have read, and the article in Enforcer's Monthly, entitled, 'When Should Soldiers Refrain From Telling Their Spouse To Stop Reading Their Reports To Their COs Without Arresting Them on the Spot if You Find Their Noses Buried In Your File' this is the stage in a relationship where misunderstandings might easily occur."

"You should stop reading that shit, Heero. It scares me," was all Duo could manage.

So, the sale was concluded and the property agent left gratefully, praying she would never have to see this scary and deranged couple ever again. Duo didn't think she cared too much about the commission either. It would have probably gone to her psychiatrist.

The house was a modest two-storey thing with warm, kind and sometimes nosy neighbours. Once again, help was provided from their friends in the moving and slight remodelling of their new home. Heero didn't want anyone to touch their stuff. Actually, Duo had hired movers but Heero had one in a headlock the moment one of them accidentally brushed past his beloved laptop.

So, they left the apartment behind and soon the two almost men were proud owners of a house which was quickly turned into a home. Duo knew Heero had done some 'additional' work of his own but he decided to take the coward's way out and professed ignorance. For someone who never really had a home of his own, this modest looking house was heaven to Duo. Despite the earlier argument with Heero when his boyfriend wanted to paint the entire house the colour of camouflage, Duo found the whole process of 'home-making' very soothing. It gave him a balance he desperately sought after a rough day at work tracking criminals down. This was surely a different feeling from the incessant house cleaning he had carried out in Heero's apartment.

But then, inevitably, the stress of working twelve hours a day and coming home to do housework soon took its toll on the two boys. Invariably a huge fight ensued and Heero ended up really hiring a housekeeper. She was a nice middle-aged woman by the name of Mrs Lesley and treated the two boys like her own sons. That meant lots of cookies and homemade meals. After the first few… months Mrs Lesley came into house and cleaned up with setting off any of the alarms Heero had placed in strategic 'hotspots' around the house, the Japanese boy had actually unwounded enough to ignore the screen at the office that transmitted from the close circuit cameras hidden within their new home. After all, they had a few very busy months right after they moved in and Heero had little or no time for pondering the situation of their new home.

Finally, a break came for them, thus giving Heero a lot of time.

It was then Duo wished he had taken a gun to Une's head and shot her.

XXxxXX

Duo smiled down at his lawn. He couldn't believe it. He actually had a lawn. The next thing he might need to do was think about lawn ornaments. He was glad that the workload had been reduced. At least, he would be able to enjoy his home for the first time since they moved in.

He noticed Heero standing in the middle of the lawn, staring down at something. There was a slight frown on his face, which said much about his displeasure. Heero usually never had any expression, except in bed, Duo thought flushing happily. He was glad his friends intervened but Shinigami had a reputation to keep and the first plans of revenge were already put into motion.

Heero suddenly knelt down, bringing Duo's attention back to his partner. He mentally hissed at the term. He _hated_ that term outside of Preventor HQ.

"What are you doing?" Duo peered at his lover, trying to see what the other boy was up to.

Then, Heero stood abrupt and stormed into the house. The door shook with the force of his anger.

Fearing the worst, Duo fled downstairs, toward Heero's little laboratory. Most of the time, he ignored what his boyfriend did in there but today, he swallowed and braved interrupting Heero in his private sanctuary. An odd smell wafted to his nose from the doorway. He wrinkled it in distaste.

"Heero?" Duo asked, not daring to step through the door.

Heero threw a distracted smirk, which translated to an affectionate grin to Duo and continued working. Duo was beginning to be an expert at reading and interpreting 'stoic', also known as Perfect Soldier language.

"What are you doing?" Duo tried to peek around Heero's obstructing body.

"I can't run a DNA test here, I think I will bring it back to the lab at HQ," Heero muttered, half to himself.

"For what?"

Heero turned out, holding out a small glass dish with something brown and really reeking on it. "This," he thrust it out at his partner.

Duo shrank back disbelievingly. That couldn't be what he thought it was. "Is that… is that…"

"I am going to find the dog that did this on our lawn and put it to sleep!" Heero growled menacingly.

The American could feel the start of a familiar stress headache building behind his eyes. It had started again.

XXxxXX

Duo had a bad cold. He knew it was a mistake running in the rain during flu season but he lost his umbrella and didn't want to be nagged by Heero. Who knew he would be such a mother hen? He had had to endure Heero's berating him about being irresponsible and forgetting his umbrella while said boyfriend lovingly stripped him of his clothes and rubbed him down with a large preheated towel. The key term here was 'preheated'. Who the hell preheated towels in their own homes?

Heero was even planning a bomb shelter 'just in case'.

But he digressed. Duo had felt perfectly fine until the next morning, which was heralded by loud sneezes and even louder sniffling. He felt awful. Chills, aches, pains, coughing, the works.

Yup, he had a cold alright. Shinigami was sure getting weak in his older years; with him conveniently forgetting he was barely twenty.

"I told you to take an umbrella," Heero groused, sitting down next to Duo with a bowl of soup in hand and feeding the contents to him. "But no, you actually had to be a hero and run in the rain. There is only one Heero here."

Duo stopped in mid sip, staring wide-eyed at his lover, his reddened nose dripping. He swiped at it irritably with a fresh tissue. "Did you just make a funny?" He gaped. He nearly jumped out of bed and exulted, but that would have been a mistake, as he would have surely landed on his face. His fever was making him disoriented and dizzy.

Heero ducked his head in embarrassment. "It's all your fault. You have been giving all sort of books to read."

The American grinned. In an attempt to educate Heero about the human emotion, he had bought a barrage of books for his lover ranging from self-help books to romance novels. He knew it was probably inappropriate but being a sap or a wannabe comedian would be much better than trying to shoot someone. Duo was forever thankful that Heero was no longer trigger-happy… for the most part.

Once lunch was finished, Duo found himself tucked securely in bed, the covers pulled up to his chin and a warm kiss planted on his forehead.

"Have a nice nap. I will be at the office until late evening," Heero told his boyfriend, now drowsy by cold pills.

Duo fell asleep dreaming wonderful dreams, mostly involving he and Heero. Other times it was about the other boys, usually in a familiar position of being tied up and roasted over a slow burning fire. Because of his unconscious state, he didn't see Mrs Lesley coming into the house as soon as she heard Duo was sick. With her was a thermos of chicken soup that everyone deemed healthy for the infirmed.

He didn't see her come up to his room, tiptoeing in, not wanting to wake her 'boy' up. He also missed her trying to take his temperature. He definitely skipped the part where she approached the bed, tripped a wire, bringing a mesh net down on her, causing her to scream in shock. He also didn't notice ten minutes later, Heero thundering home after the silent alarm was tripped to find an almost hysterical housekeeper glaring daggers at him.

He only knew later when he woke that Mrs Lesley would be going on an extended holiday and they would have to take care of themselves for a while.

XXxxXX

It was too early in the morning. Duo didn't know what woke him up, but he had a nagging feeling it was the alarm clock, which was odd, since the alarm clock had never succeeded in its duty with him in the past. Most of the time it involved Heero dumping him into a bathtub full of ice water before his eyes peeked opened a notch.

He padded sleepily over to the window and stared down onto the lawn again. It was still empty. Damn, they really needed to go shopping for some plastic gnomes or something. But at least this time, he didn't see Heero picking up some questionable substance and bringing it into their somewhat clean, and sometimes pristine home. In fact, he didn't see anyone. Perhaps their reputation has spread across the neighbourhood and now all of their neighbours were planning to abandon their homes? Perhaps that was the reason for the lack of… canine patronage to their lawn these days?

He knew Heero did… something but he just wasn't that much of a masochist to go and find out. Perhaps today was just his unlucky day. For far off the spotted the paperboy. He argued with Heero over the usefulness of such a service when they were perpetually connected to the Internet for world news, Preventor's Network for ground breaking ones and the TV was always tuned to some news channel or other.

Heero had insisted that in one of the novels he read, the paperboy was part and parcel of establishing 'normal' behaviour in a suburb. That and analysing the DNA of dog poop to track down the perpetrator and put it to sleep. Right, Heero as really big on 'normal'. But he was trying and Duo would humour him.

So, the boy rode past in his bike, the basket in front of him nearly empty. This was probably one of his last stops. He picked up a paper and flung it toward their front door. Duo chuckled noting the trajectory of the flight would bring the newspaper somewhere toward the bushes along the side of the house. That's where their papers end up most of the time, and quite often completely unreadable.

Suddenly, there was a loud noise followed by a bright ray of light. The flight of the paper ended prematurely right in the middle of the lawn, burning brightly. The poor paperboy's bike skidded to a stunned stop as the boy stared at the flaming dailies with his jaw hanging to right about his knees.

_Motion sensors, laser beams_, was Duo's first thought. He screamed the second. "HEERO YUY!"

XXxxXX

Heero stared at the charred remains of what once must have been newspaper. He smiled a little wider than his usual smirk. Facial expressions were coming easier to him. So, the anti-canine system he placed in the front lawn did work rather splendidly. Of course, it wasn't meant to kill. There was just enough power in the laser beams to cause a burn to the mutt that thought their front lawn was a public toilet but still not bad enough to kill. It was just enough to leave a… shall he say, lasting 'impression' on the canine.

He sniggered at the play of words. He was getting better at human emotions.

He also felt a surge of pride at having successfully defended their home, even if it was from a flying newspaper. Of course, he wasn't stupid enough to admit to Duo he had also saved their home from the invasion of the door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman. His boyfriend was very sticky about physical violence, especially during the peace they worked so hard to achieve. But that was the only way he could think of to deal with a pushy salesman. The man had wanted to barge in but Heero had tried manfully to keep him out of the house.

It really was the salesman's mistake to lift the vacuum and wield it like a staff. Heero's training kicked in and the salesman found himself with his nose to the ground. The Japanese boy bet this person would never come around again.

"What's the problem?" Heero asked, confused. Why did Duo look like he was about to have an aneurysm? What did he do wrong now?

"What… wh…" Duo was stalking to and fro in front of the coffee table, seemingly speechless. "You don't see a problem of setting up motion sensor lasers on your front lawn?"

Heero frowned shaking his head. "No, due to the flammability of paper, it lit up. Otherwise, it would have only served as a reminder for those who trespassed that getting tattooed by a laser isn't all that fun."

"Tat…tooed?" Duo repeated

"Duo, I am not going to commit murder over a dog, or anyone else," Heero said in a matter of fact tone. "I am just going to leave them a token of their indiscretion."

Duo looked pole axed as he stood there, his arms hanging limply by his sides and his jaw agape. He shook his head, snapping out of it. "You are to get rid of them now. We are living in the suburbs, where people might just feel like coming over to visit and I don't want them… tattooed for being nice," he explained slowly, as if he was speaking to someone who was unbelievably slow.

Heero felt insulted. If anything, he wasn't slow. "I was protecting our house from undesirable elements."

"No laser beams and motion sensors!" Duo insisted, his tone raising a notch.

"Mission accepted." Heero nodded.

XXxxXX

Heero was working on his computer, as usual, when Duo called out from the kitchen.

"Hey, Heero, we are out of milk."

"The milkman is supposed to come today. I think he is late," Heero called back. He knew his lover was probably eating his favourite chocolate cereal and it just wasn't complete without milk.

The week since the whole laser beam incident had passed without further mishap. Heero had seriously had to curb a lot of his instincts other than placing double locks and security systems _within_ the house. Anything he did within the house Duo really didn't have a problem with, in fact, the American would actually help him with it. It was when he ventured out of the main door would Duo jerk him up short. Heero really found that confusing. Perhaps he needed to read more self-help books.

However not many people wrote, 'How to be make the Perfect Soldier a good neighbour'. Still he would like to think that he had done a good job adapting since Duo came into his life.

A loud scream shattered the quiet mid morning air followed closely by the sound of glass breaking. Instinctively, Heero pulled out his gun and went running from the source of the scream, which to his utter relief did not come from Duo. He had heard Duo scream many times and this was not how he sounded… alright that thought was completely inappropriate right now. He met Duo in the hall, his partner's gun also out of its normal 'safe' place.

"What was that?" Duo asked urgently, plastering his back to the wall next to the window.

Heero shook his head, imitating Duo, and taking a cautious peek outside.

"Perhaps someone in need of our assistance?"

Heero's eyes widened as he took in the scene outside, and the screams that have now changed to virulent cursing. Something told him he was definitely getting into trouble now and probably not getting any for the next few days or so. Maybe more, depending on how serious the situation is.

"Heero?" Duo asked, the sounds of cursing finally filtering to his ears. "Who is that?" He duck his head out and stared out into their lovely tree shaded lawn and stared.

And continued to stare…

Heero needed to do some damage control fast. "Well, you did say no laser beams," he smiled weakly, watching in rather morbid fascination as Duo's face changed colour. He wondered if Duo was ever a chameleon in his previous life.

"Our. Milkman. Is. Hanging. Upside. Down. In. Our. Tree," Duo barked, pulling the front door open and rushing out to save their still cursing milkman. Bottles of broken milk bottle littered the floor.

Heero winced following his irate boyfriend out. No chocolate cereal for Duo today. His eyes widened as he realised just where Duo was running. "Duo, stop!" In the end, he could do nothing but stand there as his lover's foot got caught in the rope, releasing the trap and stringing him high about the ground, right next to their soon to be ex milkman.

XXxxXX

Heero nodded curtly to the butler as he was shown into Quatre's mansion. In one hand he was carrying a small overnight bag stuffed with clothes and other things necessary for a prolonged stay away from home. He knew Quatre was expecting him, after all, he did submit himself to a thorough, almost strip search at the gate. If he wasn't so numb and confused, those guards would have lost a limb or two, or three, or four.

"Heero!" Quatre jumped up from his seat and came over to hug Heero.

Like the other pilot who spoke exclusively stoic, meaning him, Trowa and Wu Fei, he endured the hug. Quatre was naturally tactile and quite honestly, resistance was futile.

"What are you doing here?" Trowa asked, putting down another blasted copy of Enforcer's Monthly. Head of security at the Winner's mansion was sure easy. After all, there were forty Manguanacs that were already there long before Trowa took on this position.

Quatre was staring at Heero, his eyes riveted on the bag he clenched in his hand. "Uhm… trouble in paradise?"

"I don't understand this at all," Heero complained, shaking his head and looking completely lost. "What did I do wrong?"

Trowa took the bag from Heero and passed it to a servant, whispering under his breath to prepare a room, and make it comfortable, since he foresaw then having a houseguest for an extended period of time.

Quatre and Trowa sat him down and he started explaining the whole 'misunderstanding'.

An hour and four explanations later, peppered with Trowa and Quatre taking turns to leave the room to explode into laughter before returning with a properly solicitous expression, and try to help Heero out of this mess. Of course, their little huddle wouldn't be complete without Wu Feis and the Chinese boy was literally dragged through the doors of the den kicking and screaming. Elephants and Wu Fei never forgot, especially when it came to things he would rather not go through again.

Quatre was pacing back and forth, squaring his shoulders and acting pretty much like a general. It was obvious that he was planning something. "Alright," he said decisively, standing in front of Heero. "The first thing we will do is to explain the mechanics of human emotion!"

Heero nodded, pleased. At least _someone_ was willing to explain something to him. Duo just dumped all the books in his arms and muttered something about someone's head like a block of gundamium.

XXxxXX

Five hours and a million different methods of explanations later, the three walked away from Heero looking thoroughly disgusted and utterly exhausted. That would teach them to try to do something as stupid again. They left Heero in a room, also exhausted and now sleeping soundly and regrouped in the den again.

"Why are we getting involved?" Wu Fei demanded. "We are stupidly lucky that Duo decided we weren't worth revenge. I am not going to go down that road again."

Trowa was once again doing another quiz. Wu Fei honestly didn't want to know what quiz it was this time. Enforcer's Monthly was turning into a woman's magazine. "They are your friends and just because one of them is completely clueless, we shouldn't stop helping them."

Quatre was seated on the couch, his forehead wrinkled in concentration, his chin in the palm of his hand and one finger tapping on his lip thoughtfully. Wu Fei decided to leave Quatre alone for a while. He was thinking and that must use up a lot of the 'blond's' strength. The Chinese sniggered softly. If Quatre knew what he was thinking, he would be getting an earful.

"I still think meddling into their affairs is a huge mistake," Wu Fei reiterated.

"Coward," Trowa accused teasingly.

Wu Fei's back stiffened but he maintained his stand. "Call me what you want, but I am not stupid enough to try this again. The idiot upstairs hung Duo from a _tree_!"

Trowa narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. Then he spewed out another insult that was sure to get Wu Fei's cooperation. "Woman."

And how easy the bait was taken.

"I know!" Quatre said suddenly. "All those books must have been confusing to Heero. So how about we make sure he reads something that will completely defy logic? Something that would be all about feelings."

Trowa sat forward, his interest piqued while Wu Fei wondered what was the first plane out of Sanq to the furthest reaches of the Earth. "And what do you suggest we give him?"

"Love poems!" Quatre clapped his hands together gleefully.

Wu Fei groaned, burying his face into his hands.

XXxxXX

_Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?_

_Thou art more lovely and more temperate: _

_Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, _

_And summer's lease hath all too short a date: _

_Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,_

_And often is his gold complexion dimmed,_

_And every fair from fair sometime declines,_

_By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed;_

_But thy eternal summer shall not fade,_

_Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest,_

_Nor shall death brag thou wanderest in his shade,_

_When in eternal lines to time thou growest;_

_So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,_

_So long lives this, and this gives life to thee._

_William Shakespeare_

XXxxXX

"What is this?" Heero grumbled, staring at the passage in his laptop.

"We want you to read this, and tell us what you think about it," Trowa explained.

"This is about love," Quatre clarified, after seeing a most perplexed expression on Heero's face.

"It's written by a famous writer," Wu Fei added. He couldn't believe Heero had never heard of this writer. Everyone has heard of Shakespeare. Right?

Heero's dark blue eyes flicked through the passage again before looking up at his friends. "Are you sure? It looks more like a weather forecast."

The other three groaned. This was going to be a long day…

… And much harder than anyone anticipated.

The end…?

Should have one more… I think.


End file.
